I remember when my father brought home our families first computer in the mid 1990’s. I was maybe 8 or 9 years-old. The computer was slow, over-sized, ugly, by today’s standards, but I was convinced it was God’s gift to mankind. It was as if there was some kind of switch that was set off inside my brain. I probably thought it was because I got to play MLB ’96 on Windows 3.1, or learning how to navigate using old DOS commands, which was great, still, there was something else. Of course, it wasn’t until years later, after I was grown, after his passing on, that I realized I just loved spending that extra time with dad. Seeing a side of him that I probably wouldn’t have, otherwise.
There are a lot of things my dad did wrong. He was a man with many personal demons and carried around a lot of emotional and physical pain. I’m convinced the man must have lived 100 lives. Each time, getting closer to realizing so many of his dreams and loved one’s dreams only to be stopped short by some unforeseen, unavoidable force. A force that was just bigger and “badder” than he, but not by much.
Then, I’m reminded that despite all of this, my father was able to leave so many real, positive things behind that touched many peoples lives. Even if he was just trying to live a goodly life to attain for his earlier sins; that’s okay. I’m also from time to time reminded of the memories I have, and like this memory that kept me up tonight, I know I hope I will be discovering more for years to come.